why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
