My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
