Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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