Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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