Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
