you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
