All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
