just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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