are you so shy because you have an std?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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