Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
