I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
MIDGETS
????
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
