worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
