there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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