I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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