It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
