You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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