i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
