I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
