she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
