She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
