I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
