I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just gargled with NyQuil
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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