you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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