So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
