This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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