apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
