The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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