It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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