Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
