great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
