i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
