I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
