LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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