she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
