i jhust puked up my retainher.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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