He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
