Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
