Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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