the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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