I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
