She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize