So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
