i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
