sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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