And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
