p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
