In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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