I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
