My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
