like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
