i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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