Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
