well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
