pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
