I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
