Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
