Your face is a jimmy john
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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