Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
