i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
