Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
