I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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