he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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