I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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