Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
