I faked an abortion last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
