I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
