do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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