The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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