mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
