Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
