when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
