i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
