it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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